Progress

So no matter how much I like to beat myself up - because let's face it we're our own worst enemies - I have to be happy and grateful for the progress that I have made in the past 15 months or so of eating a cleaner diet. I mostly feel pretty good these days, and it's important to be grateful for everything that we have.

Here are some pictures from 2011-2012

2013-present, fruit-central

Okay I think that's enough for now. I'm pretty pleased so far I think. I feel like it can only get better from here. Even if you can just begin to add more plant foods to your diet, little by little, I bet you would notice some changes.. :-)

Food combination chart and a little update on my exercise routine

So I mentioned in the previous post the importance of food combining. So I wanted to post a couple charts I like to consult, because I tend to be forgetful sometimes... :-)

The last post I did on exercise, well that's been updated quite a bit. In these really cold wintry months I had some trouble staying motivated to run outside, so I decided to get into the Insanity program, which has been really amazing so far. It is a 60 day training HIIT program that kicks your ass!!! Once the program is finished I will focus even more on running but will definitely continue to keep it as part of my routine. It is actually a 6 day per week program of pretty intense workouts, averaging 45 minutes, the more challenging ones are closer to an hour. I am on week 3 of month 2, so have almost completed the 60 days. I definitely notice differences in my abs and obliques, my legs feel stronger, even though I've been inconsistent with my running I have been out the past few days and have been doing pretty well. At first I didn't think I could handle 6 days straight of training, but I was surprised that my body was pretty up for it, I recover fairly quickly with a decent nights' sleep. Although in this second month of max interval training I am pretty tired. I have also signed up for a few running races in the coming months, a 10k the end of March and a 1/2 marathon the end of April. Perhaps I was a little impulsive signing up for the 1/2, but I really think I'm ready to get going. I have a 12 week training program and even though I missed yesterday's and today's runs due to weather, I plan on sticking to it strong. It would be nice if I could join a gym for a few weeks while the weather starts to get warmer, but we'll see. Just have to get out there. Haven't been doing yoga like I planned to incorporate but once Insanity is over I would like to get back into a yoga routine. :-)

Okay so this is a raw food blog, right? Some things I've learned thus far, and much more still to learn.

Anyway, I'm feeling inspired the past couple of hours and wanting to let the words flow out of me. So here I am writing. I am not consistent with the blog but my initial intention has been to share my journey on raw foods and the 80-10-10 diet. If there is anyone out there just coming upon this blog and wondering what the hell is she talking about???! Well you can look at previous posts that explain what diet I am pursuing and if you are interested, please do check out www.foodnsport.com or the 80-10-10 book by Doug Graham.

This post has a lot of information and thoughts going all over the place in it, I apologize in advance if it is too much to read, I just have a lot to get out! I'll try to condense it into a list at the bottom of things I've learned. It's mostly about digestion, lol....

Well I've had some ups and downs in recent months, with my allowance of cooked foods. I have definitely been influenced by those who have advocated a raw and cooked lifestyle, with unlimited calories, and I think it's done more harm than good honestly. It has stirred up a lot of confusion as far as what my original goals have been and I have gained a bit of weight, about 10 pounds, since the summer. Not to mention my food choices and combinations have lead to really inconsistent digestion the last few months. It's certainly been very frustrating that's for sure. The question is why have I gone to cooked? Well I have been really consistent with eating fruit all day and for the most part that hasn't been a problem. But at night I would crave savory things and a variety of foods, so have eaten lots of potatoes, rice, sometimes pasta, steamed veggies, I also have made tons of recipes from the Forks Over Knives cookbook. Now I don't necessarily subscribe to the notion that cooked food is poison, but I have definitely noticed some downsides since eating both fruit and cooked. I don't blame anyone for my inclusion of cooked foods or for what went wrong, but I do feel that there is a huge movement out there that advocates unlimited fruit and cooked carbs, and I don't believe it is for everyone. I agree that it can encourage people who are in transition to stick to being vegan, but in general I think it encourages way way way too much eating. At least in my case. Those who are saying eating unlimited low fat cooked and raw carbs is for everyone are in the wrong, in my opinion. I'm sure some people can do it just fine, and that's great. But for me it has caused a lot of stress on my digestion, and I have noticed a decrease in my energy levels as well. Also more and more each day I realize that having the best of both worlds is probably not optimal for our bodies. I think that if people want to eat both, then they should do it in a more balanced approach, such as the style of many plant based doctors - Dr. McDougall, Dr. Esselstyn, Dr. Barnard, etc. If that is what I end up doing one day as far as my diet is concerned, well that's okay, I am constantly learning about what works and what doesn't, so it may be that one day I experiment with a more cooked foods approach and limited fruit. For now, I really love fruit, and I really want to feel great like I did over the summer, sticking to more raw foods.

Another stress of mine has been spacing of meals. I feel that if you do decide to include more cooked foods, you have to make sure that you eat cooked foods at night, and make sure your meals are more spaced out - 4-6 hours apart for better digestion. Whenever I would eat cooked foods shortly after a fruit meal, my digestion would suffer. I would be in constant worry about when my last meal was and whether I can eat this bowl of rice without suffering the consequences, meaning horrible gas and bloating for several days after. Also with cooked I was eating many different ingredients and lots of different combinations that were not working out. In a way I was getting so frustrated, not knowing what I should do, or where I wanted to go from there. I became angry and irritated, the more bloated I got. I became more sluggish, less incentive to want to exercise. And I got really frustrated with people claiming this way of eating was working for them. I agree that it seems silly to be so concerned over cooked vs raw. There are certainly more important arguments to be discussed. However, I think that with the explosion of the "Rawtill4" program and everyone that jumped on board with it, it confused a lot of people (present company included) who originally had goals of adopting the 811 lifestyle. For me, I really looked forward to the energy 811 would give me, the improvement in athletic performance, the weight loss, etc. So I can see peoples' frustrations with this whole dilemma, cooked vs. raw. I truly believe that unless you want to eat a more balanced diet, eating unlimited fruit all day and unlimited cooked carbs at night does not work. Unless you make sure your meals are adequately spaced apart, doing mono meals. So eating just a meal of potatoes at night for instance, instead of a giant soup with 12 different ingredients. Maybe that would work out for people..  I personally just don't think it works. Perhaps more seasoned people who have better digestion can handle this. And perhaps people who just aren't sensitive can too. I guess really it depends on the person. But honestly, for me, it's not working.

So the question is, when have I felt my best? When I've eaten mono meals, 100% raw. I'm currently trying to cleanse my body and eat more simply, so I'm trying to do a banana island - just bananas and greens, for the next several days. I get bored very easily with simple meals, so that has been another challenge of mine, but I can't deny how good it makes my body feel to eat as simply as that. I feel light and energetic, and my digestion is amazing.
I've been trying to kick the habit of cooking up 4-5 cups of brown rice and bingeing on it every night. Again, I'm not saying brown rice is necessarily an unhealthy food, but the quantities that I was eating was making me feel awful. Another common argument I might get is that my body needs those extra calories. Does it really? Or is it just my addiction to starch and grains that is tempting me to eat all of that rice? I agree that the more calories you expend the more you'll want to take in. And I am not advocating calorie restriction in any way. But eating 3000+ calories a day? That seems pretty extreme, even if I am doing fairly intense exercise (mostly HIIT) every day. So in the midst of all this confusion, I am focusing now on trying to get back to the original goal, my original intentions. I'm not saying I won't touch another bite of cooked food, I will probably have some in the near future. However, originally my goal has been to eat a living foods diet that would enable me to feel my best, heal any ailments, and hopefully greatly reduce the risk of getting any diseases in the future (I know nothing is certain of course).

So quickly, I am going to compile a list of tips for better digestion that I have learned over this past year, if trying to follow a raw 811 or raw/cooked lifestyle
- Space meals apart 4-6 hours for optimal digestion
- Chew meals carefully
- Eat more whole foods, don't just guzzle smoothies all day (even though it's tempting)
- Listen to your body, when it doesn't want any more it will tell you, don't force it in
- Drink enough water so that you're peeing clear. It doesn't have to be 4+ liters a day
- Combine foods carefully - although each person may vary with how their digestion reacts. - But in general if you're eating large quantities of fruit, you'll want to follow proper food combination principles (I'll post a chart I like to use)
- Eat more simply!!! If eating a fruit meal, eat one fruit at a time. If eating a cooked meal, try to keep that mono too. If eating a soup or dish with multiple ingredients, make sure it's spaced far apart from fruit meals.
- Keep cooked food at night. Don't eat fruit after a cooked meal - you WILL be bloated and gassy for days. (unless you are somehow immune to that lol)
- Try to have your last meal 3-4 hours before bed
- If you're like me and are confused about 811 vs cooked/811, try to experiment with both for awhile and see what makes you feel better. If you know what makes you feel better but you're having trouble implementing it, read some literature on natural hygiene and watch some videos for inspiration, join a raw food forum for support, that definitely helps me a lot.

Addiction and my thoughts

Addiction - people have a lot of opinions on it, well in most cases when it comes to addiction to substances. Addiction to processed foods, refined garbage, material possessions and the whole hypocrisy of that situation when compared to substance addiction - well that's another topic for another post some day..

I want to say that I have realized a few things recently about drugs and the people we love who use or have used. Or just our perspectives on others in the spotlight who have an addiction, have died from it, etc. Now this is excluding scientific perspective, I'm really just talking on the emotional perspective. I think what I have realized is that I know nothing. And that each person's situation is unique and has its own set of complexities. I mostly want to respond to people who feel that addiction is selfish or a choice. I am not totally sure that I am ready to classify it as a disease, because well, I'm just not really sure what I classify it as. But I think that at some point in someone's addiction progression, it goes beyond being a choice, it becomes a way of life, of survival. Now what is the difference between calling it a way of life/survival and calling it a disease? I really don't know. Again, these are just my thoughts.

Here's what else I think. I think it's really easy for those of us on the outside to make assumptions - and a lot of them - about addicts. When it's really our own emotions that are taking over, and dictating how we talk to and treat that person. The situation is so beyond complicated that I don't have another word for it. We will never know what that person is feeling or going through, and no matter how hard we try and fight and scream and yell, we will never be any closer to figuring it out. I have never really embraced Al-anon or those type of support groups. But I can appreciate that it calls for the loved one becoming powerless to the situation. All the jargon and the culture of the groups turned me off, I'll admit. But I did like that one aspect of it - that maybe you do need to just let go and release your grip on the situation, and know that you are powerless.

Still years later, I feel that myself and others in my family act differently around our recovering loved one. I still find myself in situations where I'm feeling anger, when it comes to him doing things that seem like they should be common sense. Let me clarify that I am in no way wanting to be judgmental or have an opinion about his current lifestyle, but only in the times where I am interacting with him am I speaking of. For example, I have been on my own journey of emotional hardship, and have been stressed out about all the clutter in the house that I live in. I go back and forth, realizing that well, it's technically not my house, it's just where I live, it belongs to my family. Yet I still think we could do better when it comes to cleaning out boxes and boxes of things. My immediate opinion towards my loved one is, you don't live here anymore, why can't you grow up and take your stuff with you? Why can't you be an adult and get rid of things? I took everything that I own out of my mother's house, why can't you? And it sort of leads back to this whole whirlwind of emotions I felt years ago. What are my emotional rights in these situations? How am I supposed to feel? I know that I want to feel more empathetic and all I really want is a loving relationship. I don't want to feel judgmental or angry. I really don't want to. I just want to have a relationship that is loving and unconditional and free of harsh judgment. Right now our relationship is that we don't really have one. In fact that kind of goes with my entire immediate family. I definitely feel a disconnect between all of us. I don't know how to change that. Between my feelings of guilt for the things I have and haven't done in my life, and whatever he may be feeling, and whatever she may be feeling.. We haven't really evolved all that much from this situation from what I can tell.

I'm kind of getting off track. Yet I'm not sure what my initial intentions were when writing this anyway. Can you see how this issue is sooooo much more complicated than just saying "He shot up in his bathroom and died? He left three young children ? That's incredibly selfish!!" Because it's just NOT that simple. When it comes to addiction and my thoughts on it, my emotions are all over the place. And I can't even begin to imagine how my loved one feels. I know that I can try harder to let him know that I love him. I can let him know that hey, I don't want to fix you, and I love you just how you are, and by the way, I know you didn't even ask for my help either, you didn't even ask for my opinions, you don't even necessarily care to know that I don't want to fix you, so really, what I really want to say is I just love you. That's all I want you to know. I want you to know also that I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn't love you. Because I do. I love you so much. I just didn't have control of myself and my emotions. I still don't really. But in the midst of all of my emotional chaos, I hope deep down that you know I always have and always will love you. I want more for our relationship, that's all I want. I want us to laugh and smile more. Maybe even have some fun once in awhile. I don't think I ever let you know that really. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to say it fully to you.

The full spectrum of health.. what is it?

We're used to making these changes in our lives and expecting immediate results. It's part of our nature, and I get it. I certainly expected results over night when I first changed my diet. Maybe I even thought I had results that weren't quite there yet. The fact is, it might take a lifetime to see positive differences in the changes we've made to ourselves. Because we really need to look at the bigger picture. What about emotional health? Environmental health? What about the full spectrum? So I'm seeing a lot of physical results in the changes I've made over the past year, and that's great. I mean, that was part of my goal, right? I wasn't necessarily even considering emotional health all that much when I started. But now I have these great physical improvements - I weigh less, can run faster, my head feels more clear (for the most part), and I want more. I want more for myself, I really do. But where do I start? Where do I go from here? This is where my trouble lies lately, and I wanted to talk about that for awhile. Forgive me for being all over the place with my thoughts -  in all reality, I've been pretty unmotivated lately and moping around, and it's really put a damper on my spirits.

I feel like I'm going in a circle, around and around, in the same pattern, and I can't break free of it. It has a lot to do with the fact that I want to establish something great for myself, a way to make a living that agrees with me and is on my terms, and doesn't exploit others, just helps others. I have the urge to be an entrepreneur but do I have the guts or the wherewithal, am I intelligent or innovative enough? Millions of people want to start their own business, but very few succeed at it. And while we're at it, what is success to you? To me? Is it making six figures and owning several homes? I guess to start, maybe it's important to define what success is to you, and to me. To me, personally, success would be living a simple, happy, and modest life, that is abundant with beautiful food, free of clutter, and a large garden. I would be helping animals in every way possible, and whatever business I went into would be for the benefit of helping others thrive and feel happy. That's really all I want - a tiny house, a large garden, beautiful food, to save animals, and be kind to others. That is the definition of success for me. I don't want a luxurious life, I don't want a fancy car, I just want the bare necessities.

So I guess now that I've established what I want out of life - the real challenge comes - how do I start to get it? See, I have the same problem with other areas in my life when I start thinking about making changes, I still want instant results. For example, I look at lots of other people my age who would appear to be successful - they have full time jobs, families, a mortgage. (well - relatively speaking), and I still, year after year, feel this intense pressure to have what they have (okay not having a family, but the whole job situation) and to figure something out immediately. Why? What is with the constant comparison to others, and why is that so important - why is it such a presence in my life? Is it the way I grew up? Is it the people that I surround myself with that make me feel that way? The truth is, I realize more and more each day that we all have these feelings - it's part of the human condition - I read this really great article this morning about comparison and how it takes the joy out of life. It's so true! In many respects, the way we compare ourselves to others is nothing more than a waste of our own valuable time and energy. In some ways it can be useful, sure. But with the explosion of social media it just makes it that much more easier to fall into the trap of unhealthy comparisons and competition. Why do we spend so much time on it, why not pour our energy into a volunteer project or maybe writing a poem? Instead of me feeling upset and angry for never being able to please others or live up to their expectations of me (and while we're at it what percentage of those feelings is my own paranoia?), I can focus it on a small project that gives me a sense of accomplishment. Taking those small steps are what count, and that could lead to something better, versus getting upset because I couldn't take this giant step and accomplish everything in one try. Recently, I had been really interested in volunteering with a running race company at various races around the city, and I finally went for it and volunteered a couple weeks ago, I got $50.00 in credit to put towards future races and met some really friendly people. Sure it didn't result in a new job or anything, but it got me out there talking to people and feeling a little better. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we can do small things to make us feel better and we don't have to always worry about what someone else is going to think about it, because in the end, our time is only ours, our choices are our own, and our lives belong to us. Little by little I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Small changes lead to bigger ones, and soon we begin to see what else is possible to improve.

So I guess in conclusion - this is mostly a reminder to myself - is that just because I start this amazing diet and see these wonderful physical changes, it doesn't mean that everything else will automatically change as well. It doesn't mean that all of my emotional pain and struggling will diminish. I think that those who are interested in following a raw vegan lifestyle look up to many leaders in the movement who present a "my life is amazing, all day, every day, because I went raw" perspective, and often times they don't always focus on the bad days - because let's face it, we all have bad days. So what I would like to focus on - instead of a one diet cures everything motto, is how we can focus on the small steps to make a change. Feeling depressed? Maybe you should write down your feelings, maybe you could knock on your neighbor's door and say hi. Maybe you could pet your cat or dog. Maybe you could get a sheet of paper and draw what you're feeling. Or perhaps if you're feeling overwhelmed about clutter, you could focus on one corner of one room for an hour de-cluttering. Or if you're feeling even more adventurous, call up an animal shelter and sign up to volunteer, or call your local library and see if they have any volunteer opportunities. Maybe a 10 banana smoothie isn't going to cure your depression, maybe it will, who knows. Maybe a 5k run or that Insanity workout isn't the cure you needed - it certainly wouldn't hurt, though, ;-)