Another Sunday morning.

...This time covered in snow. I thought I woudn't see snow for a long time seeing as I was going to be south, but here I am again, in the snow. That's okay. I like being snowed in, it's fun, reminds me of the old days, going out and sledding or playing in the snow, coming in and drinking hot chocolate. Minus the hot chocolate part this time around.
Well I've made it another 10 straight days fully raw. Let's see if I can make it two weeks this time without having another binge. I think it's possible. I was having cravings last night when my mom and brother brought home take out from the pizza place. But I hadn't had enough to eat at that point in the day. The smell of the eggplant parmesan was so powerful. And an entire loaf of Italian bread, salads with ranch or creamy italian dressing... phew.. Enough to make me fall right off the wagon. Considering eggplant parm was once my favorite meal... Sigh.
After 14 dates and 10 bananas, the cravings started to slowly go away. I started to remember the feelings I would have after consuming a meal like that... undoubtedly I'd eat the whole thing at once, which is something I'm famous for, never having an leftovers - and then I'd feel like complete and utter shit. It's amazing how you just immediately forget that when you are craving a food though. Food really is so addicting!!! It's like crack!
I went up to my mom's egg plant parm and was smelling it, and I smelled the bread - and my brain was just like, GIVE IT TO ME.... but this little inner voice, so so quiet it was, but it was still there, told me not to. That was pretty challenging I must say. I'm not sure how successful I'll be next time, I'm still at a very vulnerable point and I can break at any moment, but for now I will be glad that I resisted in that moment. How resistant I will be next time, it's hard to know.

This diet, with enough creativity, can be as exciting as a regular standard diet. There are lots of ways you can make it more like your former diet, with lots of low fat raw vegan options for just about anything. However, if you're just mono-mealing, which is primarily what I'm doing, sometimes it can be hard to stay on task and want to keep doing it. How I feel should be motivation enough... however on a cold winter day sometimes there's nothing more that I want than a piping hot bowl of soup...
I'd better eat breakfast soon or I WILL be eating that bowl of soup... haha.

But really. I've had just so much energy in these last few weeks than I've had over several months. Cutting out cooked food really does make a huge difference. Cutting out salt and oil and lowering your fat intake feels really great. But at this point for me they are still just choices in the moment, and I could stray at anytime. Anyway. We'll see what happens. I have never felt better running-wise. It's getting really cold out now but I am still going out at least 3-4 times a week, either walking briskly up steep hills, or running 3-5 miles at a time. Though it depends of course on a lot of factors, lately I have been running 3 miles pretty easily. I made it to 5 miles on Christmas Eve, which is the most I've run in a really really long time. I think the most I've ever run at once (though I probably stopped to walk frequently) was the 8k race I did 3 years ago in Rock Hill. And I stopped to walk a TON then so I technically didn't even run it all at once. Anyway. It definitely feels great. Running on the food that I used to eat -- albeit I ate a lot of shit, there are people who still eat very healthy on cooked food, so that's another story, but I was eating garbage most of the time -- I never had the kind of energy I have now. Not to mention, (maybe I'm sounding like a broken record here? but whatever, i need these reminders so I don't slip up haha), the mental clarity!!! I also haven't felt one depressing thought - at least not on the level I'm used to feeling - in a while either... I can breathe deeply, all the time. I don't get headaches, which was something I frequently got eating the way I used to. My general aches and pains seem to not be there, though my knee was bothering me yesterday. I don't know. On not even one month of doing this, I've already experienced so many benefits.

Also my morning weight today was 155 pounds which is down from at one point 167 pounds - but that could be over the course of a few months of weight loss and weird eating patterns throughout the move, (I was not weighing myself consistently) it's hard to tell when the weight started coming off or if it's a result of just this diet. Either way, it's certainly been a few months since I've been back in the 150's which is pretty good. Though I'm trying not to focus too much on weight right now, I just want to focus on feeling good.
Anyway, I'd better get some water and some kind of breakfast in me this morning before all of this goes to hell and I make toast and eggs or something. hahaha.