Sunday morning

Another beautiful Sunday morning in Asheville. While it doesn't feel like home, I think I'll still miss it. I'll miss the sunny days - I think it's only rained a handful of times since I got here in October. The weather I'll miss too - it's no tropical paradise, but it never seems to get colder than 55 here. Then again winter hasn't even begun yet.
Just doing some reflecting... I think even though I haven't been working since September - wow, the months are starting to add up now, pretty crazy - I still feel like I've been productive. Maybe the average person wouldn't think so, but the average person isn't me, so whatever. I think I've tried to focus on health while I've been here - I mean that first month or so well, not so much, but I feel like the end of November/beginning of December- it's been a big change for me, I've really started to see the light on a lot of things. It seems really important for me to try to really give this life style a shot. I've already noticed really positive small changes. Number 1 change - attitude. I've had a really hard time the first month in Asheville (and beyond) with depression, being hard on myself, blaming myself for everything, constant guilt, stress, anger, despair, you name it. It's been really rough on my body and my mind. I'm sure if I go back in my gmail inbox and read all the emails I wrote to my dearest friend, the majority of them were depressing, self-deprecating, horrible emails (sorry Kate). And I can't even imagine how I've been as a partner - but I think we've both been through rough times so I don't think he will hold it against me.. Either way - maybe it has to do with the coming move and change of scenery too, but I have a good attitude. I feel really calm this morning as I have most mornings since Wednesday - I've been trying to see the good in everything, I feel like I'm a little more patient (maybe, haha, maybe not), I just feel at ease for the first time in awhile. Though last night I stressed myself out about going to that restaurant...ah well...
 And even though I don't have a job or a career path or much of anything in that department, I still think it will be okay.
I was beginning to talk to my mom about my decision to try out this diet, and though she wasn't very attentive, it didn't bother me too much. I think her response was something along the lines " well as long as you don't turn your house into a dump like someone we know" ... Ouch? Referring to my uncle who is 811 and kind of uses his house as a compost bin - whatever, I mean it's his property right? I wouldn't personally be that way - I am  pretty clean myself, but to each his/her own is what I say. It's probably better for the environment than the way most people dispose of their garbage. But either way, my mom quickly changed the subject and well, that's okay. I don't expect her to be all that interested I guess... I thought I would be more bothered by it but I am not really. I can only worry about myself and the decisions I make now. And how that affects my well-being. Either way, maybe in the past I would be more prone to starting an argument with her or being upset by her lack of interest, but I don't feel that way now. I still feel pretty at peace. I think while it's important to spread the message to some people, it is to me sure, but right now it's more important for me to figure out where I stand and how I can make changes to myself. So yeah, I feel pretty at ease. And maybe if I had a full time job that would be completely different- hah. But anyway..

I am not trying to worry too much about the coming move either, and how we're going to bring everything. I know it will all work out and that we'll figure it out. All will be okay.. :-)